Don’t Read This if Small Children Make You Nauseous

Look at these Laurel Berries. Aren’t they luscious? Don’t you want to gobble them up? Well don’t. THEY’RE DEADLY! Well not deadly, just toxic, as we scientifically proved with our random sample of one subject. A couple of summers ago, S snarffed down a juicy handful. Cue inconclusive internet searches. Cue hesitant, yet fearful 999 call (“991” for my two transatlantic readers. Aren’t you both glad you paid that $73.49 for a more personal service?) Anyway, a shaven headed, older man, paramedic hurtled over (He reminded me of Locke. I tried to look like a caring mother and not a feckless female distracted by grizzled charisma) Locke said S might throw up or get the squits but he would be fine. Sigh (of relief)

The next day, in the garden, G turned away for 3 seconds and S hoovered up another berry portion. Lesson learned.


In the news: We bought a power plate, in a lazy/desperate swipe at rippedness. (Not one of these, they’re really expensive) I call it the jiggalator. S heard me and now refers to it as my gigolo.

First woman: My, you’re looking slimmer!

Second woman: Thanks. It’s because I spend 30 minutes a day on the gigolo.


More from S, learning to read:

“J. E. T.  J.E.T.  Jet! Jetplane! Suffrajet!” Thank you Horrible Histories.

Ladybug, ladybug


Upcycled Girls Shirt – size …


Trio of Chalkboard Tablets


Girl’s Poncho made from …


Chandelier Party Dress


Thomas the Octopus – Handmad…


Apple Cozy Jacket Sleeve Hon…


Primer Flashcards (4) vintag…


Vintage Photo – Rub a Tub Tu…


Three Scandinavian Wooden Du…


Vintage Domino game set, Lis…


Carnival photo nursery print…


Treasury tool by Red Row Studio.


Don't let me do all the talking.

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